Tah Tah, Tah Tah's!

All I want for Christmas is a breast reduction.

Ever since I was about 10, my breasts just sort of had a mind of their own. I don't think I ever even wore a training bra. It's as if I just woke up one morning and BAM! They were huge!

I was teased mercilessly by the other kids. They called me "bra stuffer". I surely wasn't ready to give up my childhood just yet. But I was no longer that innocent girl that played softball and did cartwheels on the front lawn. I was completely self-conscience.

As a teen, I was bombarded with fashion magazines filled with skinny models with small breasts. I felt like a freak. I guess I maxed out at a D cup by the 8th grade. I was constantly dieting throughout high school to make them smaller, even though I was not really overweight. At 5'3" I varied in weight between 100 lbs and 110. I always wore my bra to bed and I wore a size smaller than I should have. I figured perhaps the smaller size bra would strangle them and keep them from getting any bigger.

Zip ahead to the year 2008..... and I'm now 52 years old. I wish I'd done this years ago, but I've decided now is the time. I'm now past the D cup....way past. I don't know what my exact size is because I refuse to buy a bra that big. Have you ever seen a triple D? It looks like you could fit a family of four in one cup. The underwires are insane! They cut into my ribcage and the straps leave grooves in my shoulders. So... I've been wearing an extra large sports bra. The kind you just pull over your head. My chest looks like I've got a loaf of bread stashed inside my shirt. The idea is to just smash them down.

Throughout most of my life I've always tried to stay in good shape. I've worked out and watched my diet. But lately my body image has really gone down the drain. There has been a lot of stress in my life recently, coupled with menopause symptoms and a bout of depression. I've packed on about 40 extra pounds in the past 2 years. I'm in desperate need of a make-over. I wear baggy shirts and baggy pants...I haven't been clothes shopping in ages. I find myself feeling invisible when I'm out and about. Perhaps because that's what I want. To be invisible.

Anyway.

About a month ago I was sitting in the doctors office with my mother who was having her annual heart check-up. I asked her cardiologist to recommend a local doctor for breast reduction surgery. I've just moved to the area and I felt the best referral might be another doctor. He gave me a name and I called and made an appointment.

I was so nervous when I arrived at the office for my first appointment. This doctor is supposed to be the best in town. Granted, I'm no longer living in Orange County, where the best of the best are everywhere. I am in the Central Valley where there are only a handful of well known plastic surgeons. The office was sparse and not very impressive. The building, old. The doctor, board certified and has been in practice for over 30 years.

When I entered the patient room the assistant asked me to remove my shirt and bra, I was given a little tissue paper shirt that opened in the front. She asked me a few questions and I tried to answer them as best I could. I was so incredibly nervous. She asked me what size bra I wore, I told her I wasn't sure anymore.

The doctor walked in and looked at my breasts. He took out a purple marker pen and started drawing lines showing me where the incisions would be. He then drew where my nipples would be, almost three inches above where the are now. I started to feel a little excited about having perky breasts. I don't think I've EVER been perky.

This whole renovation is going to cost just over $9,000.00. This includes follow-ups, anesthesiologist, the operating room, the whole shebang. This sounds a bit high given the fact that he doesn't take insurance. None of the well known surgeons around here do. What's up with that? This really is annoying to me. But I'm going forward with it anyway.

I nervously wrote out a check that made me want to choke as I signed it and handed it over. I am not rich by any means, that is a big chunk of money. But this surgery is well worth it to me, that is, I HOPE it will be.

*says a silent prayer*

My surgery is December 22, 2008.